I briefly looked up at the surrounding hills. Everything was still half-dark, yet it didn’t look promising. Bare hills, no snow anywhere to be seen.

A week earlier, at the same altitude, you could easily strap on snowshoes. But dry, mild weather without precipitation, combined with a slope spoiled by too much sun, is not a good combination.

Still, I was determined to go. Maybe this time I’d be lucky and experience a quieter day, without crowds of people? Lost in thought, I climbed higher and higher. I imagined what this place must have looked like just a few weeks ago, covered in snow. Further up, you could still make out traces of the last ski turns.

From the hut higher up, the snowshoes finally came off my backpack. A calm ascent, accompanied by the attentive gazes of a group of chamois.

From the summit, a 360-degree panoramic view of the surrounding peaks.

#

#

Throughout the entire ascent, one thought would not leave my mind. Why, how is it that I still don’t have a better visibility? Why am I not better accepted in professional circles? Why do I invest so much energy in my projects without success?

Other people seem to move forward much more easily, with half the effort. I have often questioned whether what I’m doing is right, and whether the way I’m doing it makes sense. Whether the new direction makes sense at all. A completely new path — rough, bumpy, and yet somehow deeply desired.

I felt left alone, frustrated, doubting my abilities.

So what am I doing here? Why do I keep going? Without stopping, all the way until I stand on the summit? Do I not see that I have reached the summit? It’s crazy when you can’t celebrate little goals you’ve achieved.

On the way back, getting much calmer. I have to keep going, no matter what my head tells me.

Clearly, I often swallow things that remain unspoken — things that bother me. I keep them inside until, suddenly, they explode.

And then I need someone to remind me that you have to speak up about what bothers you. That you have to talk. That you have to celebrate small successes. That I only need to take this one small step. That it only takes a little courage…

How success and failure can lie so close together… just one more step…